In adulthood. Childhood psychological trauma in adulthood

How to build a successful career and at the same time get the most out of life.

Neither at school nor at the university is there a subject “preparation for adult life”. After graduating from high school, many students find themselves face to face with difficulties that, it turns out, no one warned them about.

Here are 13 useful tips for those who are preparing to enter adulthood.

Don't just focus on hobbies

Many people like to advise: "Do what your soul lies in." Of course, this approach cannot be called unreasonable, but first try yourself in different areas to understand what you are really good at. In your youth, you are unlikely to dream of a career in financier, reading at your leisure The Wall Street Journal. But interest in investing and financial markets may come with age. In any case, it will not be worse if you still try. In addition, work in this area can bring good income.

Study psychology

We need to understand how various factors influence our actions. Human psychology is an amazing science, and it is a pity that so few people take the time to study it. The ability to understand your weaknesses and analyze the behavior of others will greatly help you understand the structure of the world.

Do not send multiple identical resumes

Sending out hundreds of resumes for every job you can find is a terrible job search strategy. So you will never be noticed. Write different resumes with cover letters for several companies that interest you. It would be useful to seek advice from people who are already working in the field of interest to you. They can share with you the secrets of employment in a particular company. By making useful contacts, you may find out about vacancies, information about which does not appear in the public domain.

Never give up

Do not listen to those who say that you will never find a good job in this state of affairs in the labor market. Or that student loans weigh heavily on the shoulders of young people. These stereotypes should not ruin your life and deprive you of the ability to make your own decisions. Don't think about what others are doing. Work on yourself and avoid those who are always whining.

Don't focus on the end goal, think systematically

First, choose a target. It can be anything, for example, earn a million dollars in a year. Then think about how to set up the process so that you become richer over time (this is the systems approach). If you only care about the end goal, you will feel like a failure if you somehow fail to achieve it completely. It is impossible to control everything that happens, so it is important to develop a system of rules that you will follow so that in the end success outweighs failure. Then, even if you fail somewhere, you will not give up, but will throw a new challenge to fate, because you have a plan of action.

When you find a job, don't waste your money

Even after graduation, it is worth living a modest student lifestyle - at least for a couple more years, until you learn how to properly manage money. At the very least, don't go into all serious trouble right after you get your first adult paycheck. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to get rid of the habit of spending a lot. Be sure to read some books on how to make a personal budget. This is one of the most important aspects of adult life - and one of the most underestimated.

Keep learning

If you want to become smarter, read as many books as possible on a variety of subjects. Being well-read will help compensate for your lack of experience in your youth. People who read a lot achieve more in life than those who are born with good abilities. By the way, reading is one of the favorite pastimes of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett.

Sitting at work and being productive are not the same thing.

You can work 70-80 hours a week and still not be very productive. But if you want to take place in the profession and have time to devote time not only to work, learn to organize your time.

Ask questions

Sometimes you will look like an idiot, but you will learn quickly. Ask questions every time you are in doubt. This will not only help you quickly understand what is happening around, but also show others your interest in the work.

Take care of your health

Students can eat only fast food, go to parties until three in the morning, and in the morning appear at lectures fresh as a cucumber. With age, this ability is lost. Eat healthy foods, exercise and get enough sleep. This will give you energy, and besides, you will feel better.

Learn the art of selling

We all do sales in one way or another, even if we don’t realize it ourselves. You need to learn how to sell yourself, your ideas, your product, your firm, or your concept of work.

take risks

Move to another city. Plunge headlong into a risky undertaking. Don't sit out your pants at a job you hate. You do not need to plan your life for years after graduation. Take risks - you have enough time to make a difference if the risk does not pay off. Everyone will advise you to choose reliable options, but you should not go down this path just because it is the easiest.

Enjoy life

And don't take yourself too seriously. Before you settle down and enter adulthood with full responsibility, devote a couple of years to traveling. Enjoy life while you are young and full of energy.

Prepared by Evgenia Sidorova

The worst thing we can do is think too much about the problems ahead. Creating scenarios in your head when there is no idea is far from the best option. Then it remains only to lie down in bed and cover yourself with a blanket up to your ears, hoping that it will be less scary there. However, in this way we will not solve the problem. The best way out is to stop thinking and acting. One action will lead to the next, and we will find a job, smoothly entering adulthood.

Believe in yourself

Do you know what is the reason for this fear? Because of the lack of faith in what you can do. But there is another option. Believe in your abilities and you will achieve everything you want. Of course, it is quite natural to be afraid of uncertainty. Some are less afraid, others more. If this fear paralyzes, you should seek the help of a psychotherapist. Cities certainly increase stress levels, and entering the life of this city is certainly a jump into deep water.

What is maturity?

If we are afraid of the unknown, we should first find out what is hidden under the word "maturity"? Maturity, from the point of view of psychology and biology, is part of the cycle of human life, which occurs after the period of reaching physical maturity, the completion of the period of biological growth of the body and important life functions. According to developmental psychology, it is impossible to unambiguously determine when a person becomes an adult. Some believe that an adult is an economically independent person. Of course, there is some truth in this, but, of course, this is not the only indicator.

Change your point of view

Think about what are you really afraid of? Go to work? After all, all our lives, day after day, we went to school, after which we returned home and did our homework. Now understand that work is no different from school. When working, you simply perform the assigned tasks and duties for the appropriate monetary reward. If you work and earn money, then automatically there is money to keep.

Maturity teaches humility

In almost any case, theoretical knowledge is one thing, and reality is completely different. You can talk a lot about adulthood, but you will only feel it when you enter into it yourself. Despite your fears, don't delay. Don't hide under the covers anymore. It may be warm and safe there, but life has prepared enough for you. pleasant surprises, which you can use by simply starting to act. Every day you will make choices for which you will bear the consequences, but this will teach humility. Maturity is a school that teaches life. It depends on you how quickly you learn and learn everything you need.

Childhood cannot last forever, youth is fleeting, you will become an adult before you have time to figure out how to build a rocket, for example. So catch the 5 main misconceptions about adulthood that every curious girl has the right to know.

Just in order not to waste time on unnecessary things, to love yourself, but to soberly assess your abilities and stubbornly follow the fulfillment of your plan. You can believe in the existence of unicorns all your life, but some things will never change, and your laziness and rose-colored glasses should match your reality.

You will do whatever you want

As a child, many things are forbidden to you, and it seems that all this is only because you have not yet reached a certain age. In fact, your relatives, teachers and other people who are inclined to philosophize give you angry instructions based on their own experience, and when you get older, you yourself will be perplexed to watch how girls younger than you behave strange and sometimes defiant. And also remember that, having matured, you will not only study, but also work, so rest for the whole summer will become a real luxury for you. Appreciate the holidays while they last!

Everything will change

Many, but not all. Do not think that as soon as you turn 18, 20 or even 30 years old, your life will be completely different. You can move to another country or change your hair a little, get married, learn how to fly a plane, build a house, have children, you can start reading cookbooks and manuals on needlework, take up a new hobby and completely change your social circle ... but at the same time you you can still fly paper planes into the sky, build snowmen and dream the impossible. Remaining a child at heart and sometimes doing stupid things is important, because this is a part of you, you are different, a girl from the past, in which there is a place for cartoons, lollipops, barbies and games of “daughter-mothers”.

Parents will change their attitude towards you

It is vain and useless to think that your parents will start treating you like a mature and understanding madam as soon as you step on the threshold of adulthood. Even if you become super-successful, help your loved ones in every possible way and even find yourself next to them in difficult times to support them, you will most likely forever remain their “little girl”, irresponsible and too frivolous. Take this as a good postulate fact, because parents are not chosen, more often they only wish you well, they just sometimes get too nervous and worried.

Do you think you can become an astronaut

As a child, you could believe in unicorns, Santa Claus and others fairy creatures. You may still think that Darth Vader is your future boyfriend, and Superman is waiting for you at the school gates every day and one day will save you from all the troubles put together. Hmm, come on, fictional characters remain fictional, and you build your future yourself. To fly into space in our time, an incredibly long and difficult preparation is required, not everyone can master such a journey. So, if suddenly you still cherish the hope of becoming one of the followers of Yuri Gagarin and exploring the unknown, you will have to work hard.

Time will go just as slow

When childhood ends, time begins to run inexorably. So fast that you barely have time to open your eyes while lying in bed in the morning, when it's time to fall back into sleep, on which you spend almost a third of your life. Why? There are more things to do every day, the level of responsibility rises to the maximum, and you have to be in a constant multitasking mode and the maximum speed of performing these most important things. Appreciate every minute, every hour, every day you live, learn to rejoice and put all the most pleasant moments of life into a piggy bank of memories so that it turns out bright, unforgettable, but most importantly - exactly the way you imagined it when you dreamed that quickly become an adult.

LAWS OF ADULTS
Sooner or later there comes a critical moment of growing up. The moment of transition from the world of children to the world of adults. The world of children, in principle, is more democratic, cheerful, spontaneous. What "passes" and is appreciated in the world of children does not work at all in the world of adults. The world of adults lives according to its own laws, it is more rigid and not everyone finds himself in it. For such, "fallback options" have been created, something like Indian reservations. But still, everyone can discover an adult in themselves if they wish, find their place in the "noisy and furious" world. Nobody says it will be easy. But it's probably worth a try. I am a new recruit in the world of adults, I didn’t want to grow up for a long time, or maybe I just wasn’t ready to do it, because every vegetable has its own time.
In fact, not everything is so scary and gloomy. In life there is always a place for a good joke and strong fragrant, invigorating coffee. In life there is always a place for sports and good mood if we allow ourselves to. Problems of various kinds, troubles, "situations" are, have been and will be. It's a given, you can't get away from it, you can't get away. We can change our attitude to situations, but we still have to solve them. The “childish” desire to throw our “smut” onto others or take someone else’s burden on ourselves “in the name of saving man-mankind” simply takes us away from ourselves, from our own own life. And no relationship, children, career-hobbies will replace us ourselves. Better than ourselves, no one will solve our problems. We are responsible only for ourselves and our lives. Our own work will be enough for our lifetime, and it’s also not worth postponing it for later, you can simply not have time for a lot. Returning home, to yourself, perhaps, is a kind of "forerunner" of growing up. Adult life is somewhat similar to school life with its multi-point grading system, tests, and exams. Unlike student anarchy, its laws exist, albeit invisibly and even secretly. We learn them as we gain experience.
Ignorance of the laws does not exempt from responsibility, therefore it is better to know the laws. I write and formulate them for myself. Perhaps they are somewhat erroneous and not at all orthodox, because there are several amendments to each law.  I'm also wondering how to use them. I will add as information becomes available.
1. The law of money and obligations. If you commit yourself to a certain job and do it, you get a reward. If you don't fulfill your obligations, you pay a penalty. In other words, it is better to earn less than to get into debt. Or - "You go quieter - you will continue." Take your time, wait, think it over, look at the experience of others, what “it” can lead to, and decide whether you need “it”. There will be a desire and a feeling that you can do “it” - act. Look for solid ground under your feet and stones for a foothold.
2. The law of competition and cooperation, friends and enemies. There are no enemies! Competitors teach, and employees help. Although, there are other points of view. This is the law of attitude towards people, in principle. We get back what we send into space. Ultimately, we are treated the way we treat others. It is not so important what inclinations we have, because we educate ourselves, we decide how to behave and how to relate to whom. And although many things “break out” involuntarily, by themselves, the last word remains with us. "Negativity" can be cherished and cherished, or you can let go and forgive yourself for "a moment of weakness." It is important to sort out people and their behavior. People make mistakes and commit rash acts. That's why they are people, everyone is on the road, everyone has their own starting point. Judgment and ridicule! over others, we humiliate ourselves. And yet there is always competition, in any sphere of life. It just needs to be accepted as a fact. And act according to circumstances. There is no universal recipe here. There will always be someone smarter, prettier, richer and more successful than you. Probably, it was specially conceived to measure our pride. So it’s not worth worrying about this, everyone has a personal space for growth and gratitude for what they already have. They just need to be discovered.
Collaboration is also very important role in our life. It is not shameful to ask someone for help, as well as to give help when asked, or offer it. This is what cooperation is all about. And not solving their problems at the expense of each other.
3. Law of the weak link. Man is a chain. The chain is made up of links. When loaded, the chain breaks at the weak link. By identifying and repairing weak links, a person becomes stronger and can do more. Don't ignore the weak links, but don't dwell on them either. In a word, learn to get along with yourself.
4. The law of open doors. If there is a closed door in front of you that they don’t want to open for you, or you are an “uninvited” guest who they don’t want, don’t enter these doors, don’t break, no matter how much you want to. Enter where you are really expected and wanted to be seen. If nowhere - take care of yourself, if you wish, there will always be things to do.
5. The law of traps and traps or Kolobok's law. Do not listen to the one who sings sweetly. Not every door is worth entering. "Free cheese in a mousetrap." This is a classic. I prefer the cockroach version. "Don't feed other people's cockroaches and don't let them feed your own."
6. The Law of the Three Little Pigs. Life, daily activities are like building a house. We build ourselves and our own world. When we are together with someone, we create common peace and common Home. Or we don't create. It turns out here is such a common complex building. It can be nice and cozy, or it can be cold and lonely. The fairy tale "Three Little Pigs" is about what a house should be like and what awaits unreliable thatched-wooden buildings. The stones in this case symbolize the truth in all its manifestations. And above all the true ourselves. And not fake-sham-acted.
7. Thumbelina's law. About finding your place in life, and with it everything else that comes with it - home, happiness, family. This law is also about what it is worth to be - open, sincere, capable of mutual assistance. And we will not be able to find our place until we pass certain tests that develop certain qualities in us. Therefore, it is worth boldly moving forward towards the trials. With a warm heart, an open soul, a clear mind. As the skills accumulate, the tests cease to be so difficult.
8. The law of optimism and pessimism. Well that ends well. Ultimately, nothing can end well. Everything ends either in nothing or badly. This is what the pessimists think. They use what is given with the least energy consumption and live by the principle - "seize the moment." Optimists always have one foot in front. Do in this moment what is being done does not wait for instant results, approvals, etc., striving with the whole being to new heights. A happy future gives them strength to embody their present. They believe in their lucky star and therefore they are already shining now. I think everyone has a place on earth, everyone has their own tasks.
9. The law of brains or the law of signs. We look and listen with our eyes and ears, but we see and hear with our brains. Develop your brain, train like a muscle. They are a perpetual motion machine, the more they work, the more alive they will be. There are many signs around, they suggest the way, learn to distinguish them. The right and left hemispheres are two true friends and helpers. By synchronizing the work of thoughts, feelings and desires, we become harmonious. Harmonized the world around us, the space around us.
10. The law of fidget or the law of free thinking and body. The stereotypes in consciousness and movement spoil the life of a person most of all. You should not put up with incorrect posture, tightness-tension of muscles, illusions and delusions. Free thinking and body make us healthy in every way. Free thinking begins when we begin to think independently, without creating idols for ourselves. A free body begins with its awareness and training to master your body. It's all work, but the work you love never gets boring. Taking care of yourself is good and rewarding. And we are worth it. And life is worth it to live it fidget.
11. The law of surprises. God works in mysterious ways. Chance rules life. Therefore, everything is possible. It is necessary to cultivate in oneself a readiness for surprises and the ability to act according to circumstances.
12. Love and relationships are a trap for those who do not have dreams, goals and life's work. First of all - planes! Well, girls, and girls - then!
13. Law of deferred payments. It takes time to move through space. Any payment must overcome its distance. Each payment has its own speed. The ability to wait and sincere patience is one of the best virtues. We cannot change life, but we can change our attitude towards it. Because we manage our attention ourselves, shifting our gaze from one object to another. The gaze creates a force of resistance around us, emanating from us. And everything that moves towards us slows down its speed. Lightness and relaxation always make it easier to feel the moment. The speed of movement within us and outside is increasing.
14. Law of the True life values and fetishes. From the lack of sincere true feelings, we are “catching up” with something else. "Catchers" are called fetishes. Games, brands, porn, ceremonies, decorations and other features create pictures-hooks to which we are introduced due to the fact that we are deprived of the fullness of natural feelings and emotions in Everyday life. Disappointments gradually make us immune to them. Actually, only some of them. Fetishes have become an integral part of our lives.
15. The law of the relationship of the sexes. Men always leave. Somewhere, for something. The time will come, the circle will close (the earth is round), and they will still want to return to someone. In general, the relationship of boys and girls to each other is very different from the relationship of men and women. Children's hobbies are more connected with the continuation of their desires, fantasies, "dreams" and the possibilities of their real incarnations. In adulthood, personalities come to the fore. The depth of feelings develops as the relationship progresses. Or it doesn't develop. Relationships in any case come into our lives as tests. They create circumstances and situations in which we "cook", temper and mature. A man manifests himself through his attitude towards a woman. A woman is in relation to herself and to the world. Despite all feminisms and equality, the ability to be a person, independent, with free will, women are made for men. Another thing is how to perceive it and how to relate to it. 
16. Law of positioning.  No matter how sad it is, but each of us has our own real and market price. As global brands, we position ourselves in the adult life market. Children still retain the idea of ​​equality, even with different reference points. In adulthood, our own pricing policy, one way or another, we "buy" each other. And in order to take a stable position, you need to win your place in the adult life market. Without this, further progress is impossible. The sooner your place is won, the more time will be, and hence the opportunities for revealing yourself. Wanderings, dashes, throwing do not contribute to constructive activity. In the end, any activity, both creativity and technical work, is “constructive”, creation. Professionalism, thorough (the desire for this) knowledge of the subject of activity simply make life easier. Testing yourself and your “product” always brings you back to reality. Do not be afraid to do something badly, especially at the beginning. It's scary not to want to do it better. And we are conquering this market not at the expense of someone else, not at the expense of shifting someone aside. And at the expense of themselves, by expanding their own space. This is the meaning of the expression: "We should not bend under the changing world, someday it will bend under us." Your place under the Sun begins with a position in your head. From identifying yourself, from understanding your own capabilities and limitations. For this, we are given a period of childhood - for games and trials, a period of youth - for searches and discoveries, and a period of adulthood - for activity and continuation of ourselves. In the latter, support points are needed. Character. internal reliability.
17. The law of choice. Man makes choices all the time. Of course, from the provided opportunities, within a certain radius. If everything does not suit him, he can wait or do something to expand the radius of opportunity.
"The best legacy of parents is poverty." Indeed, nothing tests us and clears our brains like prison and scrip. And this is where the law of choice comes into play. Leave everything as it is, or go up the stairs, leaving behind everything that is connected with the past life - both bad and good. By making a choice, we get a way of life and habitat. Every position has its pros and cons. The choice is ours. The results depend on our ability, readiness and real opportunities to act and act in various situations, in the circumstances. A result that did not satisfy us may become an incentive for progress, or perhaps an indication of the wrong direction of movement. Again, the choice is ours. Only the heart has no choice, it decides for itself whom to love and whom to stop loving; I think it happens arbitrarily, and the will is not involved here. How to act, we decide for ourselves. True, there are still desires, they also do not depend on the will. But we all have "switch buttons". We can use them, or we can follow our own desires, often contradictory and changeable, fleeting whims and mobile fantasies. Deep desires are always connected with the heart and mind, they do not pass quickly, and sometimes live with us all our lives. But the person himself decides which way to choose. "Switch buttons" are our life settings. Sometimes we press buttons consciously, sometimes unconsciously. A cigarette in hand, virtual communication (waiting to receive information-satisfaction from the monitor screen), a bottle of beer, a glass of vodka, going into fantasy, playing sports, watching TV, walking with a camera, having sex, making love, kissing, taking pills, etc. d. All this is a choice, all this is pressing buttons, all this is a choice of a life attitude. “I live”, “I am preparing for life”, “I am burning my life”, “I am living”, “I am creating”, “I love”, “I am killing myself”, “I am indulging”, etc. Depending on installations and our life goes on, depending on the installation we get the result. I would like to enter adulthood really consciously. To consciously give yourself instructions and follow them. The result will not work right away, time must pass, the attitude must take root, must germinate in our lives and in us, and only then bear fruit. It brings up patience and diligence.
The most sophisticated violence is depriving a person of free choice, imposing a seal on his free will.
18. The law of the deductive method.
Deduction -
The power of the deductive method of Sherlock Holmes is in attention to details that we do not notice when we look at a situation, event or picture as a whole. But it is the details that matter. They create both a certain, unique, individual atmosphere of any situation, and they are its “salt”, carriers, microparticles of its meaning. Only by gathering all the details and nuances together, you can understand what happened, what is happening. Attention to detail is sometimes decisive in making the right decision. Otherwise, the basic principles of logic analysis and synthesis work. No less important are sensitivity (the ability to feel the situation, consciously read your feelings) and intuition (figurative thinking, foreboding, what artists of various stripes work with). All these are tools with which we build relationships with reality, with space (both external and internal). Because they are responsible for their every action. So let everything we own work for us, not against us.
19. Law of the planted tree.
Everyone's job is to plant their own tree. There are not many trees. It happens that too many trees are planted in one place, then cutting down begins to save the forest. But space is not a frozen category, it is able to expand and change. By planting trees, we grow into space with branches and roots. We create a continuation of ourselves, this is our immortality.
20. Law of depth and surface. Everything in the world is dual. Naturally, there are two worlds. In physics, this is the world of microparticles, quanta and the world of large quantities. In life - the world of depth and surface. Our tangible and visible reality is the surface. Reality, hidden from eyes and ears - depth. As in the sea, at depth and on the surface it goes completely different life, there are different forms of life, different "truths". When we look from the depths to the surface and vice versa, the real pictures of what is happening are distorted. There is no primary and secondary world. These worlds are simultaneous and interconnected. These are the conditions of our residence, which we do not choose, in which we find ourselves. You just need to know about them, you need to reckon with them, it is desirable to take them into account when standing your own judgments about the world. This is the kind of inevitability that is best just accepted.
Words are the language of the surface. Feelings are the language of depth. They come to the surface, only in their own, special form. Feelings come to the surface in the form of a mute Mermaid, ready to give her life and everything she has for the sake of those she loves. Such a Little Mermaid lives in each of us, but not everyone comes to the surface, into visible reality and everyday life. It probably takes courage to do so.
21. Law of Professor Preobrazhensky
“Devastation does not begin in the closets, but in the heads!”
All the catastrophes of our life first occurred within ourselves. Perhaps we have inherited a tendency to catastrophes, perhaps we have acquired this ability as a result of other actions. It doesn't matter what we got at the level of genetics - this is not a sentence, but a guide to action. A catastrophe is a reason to think about where the breakdown occurred in the head, what needs to be fixed so that catastrophes do not happen again.
22. The law of integrity.
A person by nature consists of a skeleton, its main part is the spine. From meat and muscles and from blood, which, moving, gives life to the whole body. The nervous system and brain that set the direction of movement through life. On the one hand, each of our parts is independent, on the other hand, it is completely connected with other parts. The body gets sick if its integrity is violated or the organs cease to perform their functions. It happens that by inheritance we inherited a not very healthy organism, but it is in our power to tighten the weak links. The backbone is our character, our ability to follow a dream, goals, be true to the cause of life, be true to ourselves, our feelings, the ability to overcome difficulties, it is the source of our endurance. Meat and muscles are what we acquire in the process of life: people, things, our entire material environment. Blood is the source of life, our soul, our feelings, experiences, which all give meaning and movement. "Our head is always responsible for where our butt sits." We are all endowed with gifts and virtues, but how they work, what will be the final result - our head answers (see law No. 21). A more organized, more harmonious person is also more perfect in essence. His deeds speak for themselves. The end products of his life activity are also harmonious and constructive. After all, there is nothing more ugly than an unfinished movement. This brings disharmony and destruction into space. Harmony or disharmony is manifested through a person's attitude to himself, to life, to the environment. Everyone has their own movements, and therefore their own harmony, their own unique body, their own unique life and their own integrity.
23. The law of love.
Love is everywhere - inside and outside of us. In a flower, sunset, dawn, in everything that is created with love. The source of love is also within us. People, situations, events open it in the process of life, become catalysts for the love that is already in us. We love parents, children, men, women, friends, life, the Creator, ourselves. There is no love more or less, they are different in quality and manifestation. We learn to love all our lives. We learn to move from the category of “on our own” to the category of “together”. And in the opposite direction. We find ourselves in order to eventually find each other. Not to dissolve, but to merge. For each other's love to grow in our hearts, bear fruit and seeds, and continue on.
24. Law of tomorrow.
Everything that happened to us today, we will be able to understand only tomorrow. Therefore, we are not in a hurry to draw conclusions.
25. The law of round-the-world travel.
If you want change, take a trip around the world. And when you return to the same point, you will understand that everything has changed. And your place is where it's just good, where you can just be yourself. Only there you are wanted and expected. And then - either travel further, or stay in place. Or be alone, or be together. But at least once in a lifetime it is worth taking a trip around the world. You will not change yourself or your essence, you will simply discover new facets in yourself.
26. Law of testing.
Every day is a small life, full of tests ... for lice. On honesty, prudence, the ability to manage anger, etc. Here to each his own, each has its own tasks. Catastrophes do not happen in one day, they accumulate over the years. This is the secret meaning of repentance. Better everyday. The next day everything will be new - new thoughts, feelings, events. Only unpaid debts follow us around. It is good when you accustom yourself every day to track what happened at the level of words and deeds. It is better to refuse bad destructive thoughts and states until they destroy us from the inside. The space will constantly test us. Don't wait for instant understanding, it will come later (the law of tomorrow) Just take care of yourself, this is what is called spiritual hygiene.
We will not be sent those trials that we are not able to overcome. Only our own trials await us. Stupid deeds and mistakes are made by everyone, smart and stupid people react differently to the situation. A smart person will try to benefit for himself from everything, in this case - admit his mistakes, identify them and formulate them and try to avoid them in the future. (Measure seven times - cut one). The stupid will consider themselves a victim of the situation, the arbitrariness of others, stronger and more cunning, and will continue to do stupid things.
Tests are given to us in order to grow up, to become mature, so that we learn to handle situations on our own. Aerobatics - to control the situation, while remaining spontaneous.
Tests - The best way comb through brains that are confused and confused.
There is no need to even talk about the fact that they make us stronger and more resilient.
27. Law of the Twilight Samurai
"A person who can think can survive in any situation."
Stupid men, oddly enough, in the life of a woman do not linger. (if she herself does not put effort into this). But a woman is the only opportunity for a man to continue his race. It is worth letting wisdom and teachers of wisdom into your life. Just like the desire for it.
By and large, wisdom is the ability to act wisely and prudently, without fuss and unnecessary body movements. The ability to think is the first step on the path to wisdom, it gives an understanding of the lived and acquired experience. Failure to understand "What was that?" makes any experience almost meaningless.
28. Law of two cups. Each hand holds a cup, one is empty, the other is full. Empty - to pour into it, full - to drink from it. Characteristic - the cups are constantly changing functions.
29. The law of maximum meaning.
Everything that happens is determined and random at the same time. It is determined within the radius of possible events (radius of common sense). Randomly happening. Out of the radius of possible events, only one event occurs at a time. It is, of course, multidimensional (at the level of feelings, at the level of visible reality and at the level of thought). Only chance has its own regularity. In fact, it is not random. For only that which is endowed with the maximum meaning occurs (is chosen). And therefore the most efficient. This is the wisdom of life. She is still smarter than people and puts everything in its place. Increasing its effectiveness is not effective. It is wise to use her intelligence and wisdom. Alchemy is essentially pseudoscience and nonsense. Each metal has a certain function and is good in its place, which means it is filled with maximum meaning. Doing what you want and what you get is the most effective. Profit comes when what we do starts working. Profit comes when it makes sense. There are different periods in everyone's life, depending on what is relevant for us right now: study, work, free creativity, delusions, trials, suffering, sadness, intimacy. One way or another, life is a survival environment. Everything that loses its meaning - dies. So for us, life is a labor of maintaining the meaning of what really has a meaning.
30. Law of one moment.
Human life is like one moment from the point of view of the life of the universe. We are all but small links in the chain of genesis. The life of each of us consists of moments. A moment is a quantum, the smallest particle of eternity. So the moment is the door to eternity. Every moment of life is endowed with the meaning of eternity. Feeling the moment, we are able to feel eternity.
31. The law of sleep
We cannot sleep. But it's not that. Who are we when we sleep. What is this life in a state of sleep. Perhaps sleep is the only opportunity for us to discard the restrictions that one way or another imposes on us the outside world, society, life, beating. Sleep is a fall into oblivion. Dive into the world of our true, free essence without limits? We are all a little sleepwalking. We all live double lives. For all of us, sleep is another life on the other side of life. And it is not known which of them is more real. After all, what we have done and what we have imagined affects us in the same way.
32. The law of boundaries.
Everything has its limit, its boundaries. Having reached them, you can do different things - expand, or act within the already existing boundaries. For me, the second method is more acceptable. The feeling of omnipotence and limitless possibilities goes away, but the emphasis automatically switches to the strengths of already existing realities. This means that the potential maximum effective use what is already there. Look for new points when the old ones have already exhausted themselves. I think there is no need to look for them, they will appear themselves in the natural flow of events. Constantly looking for "something" and aimlessly developing organism is like a woman who is fond of plastic surgery. She becomes nothing...  To realize your real limitations and to find confidence in yourself in this means to gain a real territory for constructive activity.
33. Law of advances.
In any undertaking, we are given an advance - a demonstration of profit, the benefits of this activity, relationships or states. This is a rosy period. Everything turns out as if by itself. It turns out that being an adult is even very cool, many new opportunities open up that you didn’t know about before. Relationships m and f have mass interesting features, they are able to color life with bright colors, inspire, give strength. The trading place is able to give cash injections. Yes, everything is very good. But only the advance is followed by a period of demonstration and the reverse side of any coin - specific difficulties and limitations (troubles ) So that we can correlate benefits and inevitability. Is it worth it? Is it worth getting involved and taking the next step? Therefore, you should not make decisions in the heat of the moment, based on advances alone. On the other hand, having left, it will be much harder to return later, and the concept of “benefit” can change, moreover, in any direction.
The law is the main, the last.
No one really knows how to live, what life should be. So any one is fine. Everyone lives as he can, as it turns out. What is good for one may be good for another, but only with a nuance. And it pleases. I am no better, no worse, no dumber or smarter than anyone else. Oddly enough, but in general, everything is equally divided between us. We are all equal. Like our children for us, no matter how many there are. So there's really nothing to sweat. If it arrives somewhere, it will definitely disappear elsewhere. It is wiser to stick to the "golden mean" in everything. It is interesting to experience explosions, ups and downs. It is useful to step on a rake ... At least life is given to live it, try it, see it, feel it. Let everyone do it to the best of their abilities, aspirations, desires. That's all!

The Inner Parent is responsible for our choices. Total. Perceptions of life, attitudes, reactions, boundary defense style, habits. It adds up our everyday emotional state, everyday thoughts, words and actions, which ultimately shapes our destiny. Sometimes they say: "it is written in the family." Our inner dialogue, which is shaped by our inner Parent, completely determines our present and future.

The hallmarks of not being a Caring Parent are anxiety, restlessness, nervousness, needing another person just to be normal, seeking approval.
With a developed inner Adult, the absence of a Caring Parent will manifest itself in a retreat into rationality to the detriment of emotions.

Weak Inner Parent

• When you make a mistake, you torment yourself with self-blame
• When someone thinks you're wrong, you can't rest until you prove it to them.
• If someone does not approve of your desires or actions, you begin to doubt what you want "right"
• You need a man to feel complete
• You become attached very quickly, even if you understand that there are no prospects
• You can't do what you think is right unless there is someone to tell you that you should do it.
• When you become aware of your desires, it seems to you that they are "wrong" and this is all nonsense.
• After interacting with people, it often seems to you that you somehow behaved / looked / spoke differently
• You don't want to set goals, let someone else just give you everything ready
• You often suffer from strong emotions, impotent anger, fear or resentment
• You try to please and get approval, even if for this you have to give up your desires

Strong Inner Parent

• You learn from mistakes and move on.
• A different point of view is not a threat to you, you are not trying to fight and prove your case
• You focus on yourself in your desires and actions and accept that not everything can be understood by others
• You live a full rich life both with a man and without him
• You build trust gradually and are able to get out of a relationship without loss if you understand that there are no prospects
• You do what you think is right and necessary, and you do not need other people's "permission" for this.
• You understand and respect your desires, even if they may seem unusual to someone
• You are able to enjoy communication with people without tormenting yourself with self-discipline
• You know how to give yourself everything you need and do not put off life for later
• You know how to calm yourself and find ways out of situations in which you feel bad
• You focus on your desires and needs, follow your principles