Breastfeeding men. Breast jealousy or how breastfeeding affects the sexual relationship between husband and wife A woman feeds a man with her breast milk
When a woman was lonely, she came across information on the Web that breast-feeding creates a "special" relationship between lovers. When 36-year-old bodybuilder Brad Leeson appeared in Jennifer's life, she decided to test this theory in practice. Like babies, professional bodybuilders eat often, every 2 hours. Jennifer takes special dry mixes to fool her body and induce lactation. It is worth noting that she has a 20-year-old daughter, because only women who have ever given birth can pull off such a trick with their body. Jennifer noticed that her boyfriend not only experiences strong sexual arousal from breastfeeding, but also shows excellent results in a rocking chair.
The couple plans to tie the knot, "live happily ever after and die on the same day." By the way, the lucky bodybuilder also has a child from his first marriage. The opinions of the Internet community are divided on this. Some believe that adult breastfeeding actually strengthens the emotional and physical bond between lovers. Others think it's just the new kind sexual entertainment or another method of stress relief. Still others, which, by the way, are the majority, condemn a couple of doves for such a perverted pastime and exposing their intimate life to the public.
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These women are no different from us. They live and work among us.
They are beautiful, successful, rich ...
And walking down the street, you will not distinguish her from the crowd and will not see any obvious signs that speak of the role of "mother-wife". And, perhaps, even after talking, you will not notice anything so unusual ... and yet I want to say again - "they exist!".
The roots of these girls come from families where:
- the woman acts as the keeper of the hearth and the earner in one person, and the man plays the role of "a quiet, non-conflicting male." In such a family, the distorted style of the entire family structure is involuntarily shown. No, don't think, the man in these families also has more or less some kind of voice, but the last decision is "heard" by the mother. Not so - MOM!;
- there is an anamnesis (history) of an alcoholic family. In such difficult conditions, it is difficult to learn real family values, so these children early "make a decision -" I'm all by myself!", "Only I can handle it!", "Everything is only in my (and only my) hands"...
- families where men are not "found". In psychology, there is such a term "Matryoshka Family". In each generation, there are one, two, three or more women who either live together or communicate closely without having men. Men simply don't stay there. This is how a grandmother can live who lost her husband early, but who gave birth and raised a daughter on her own (put own life at stake and telling her daughter that "I did not marry again for you"). The daughter, living with her mother (and how can she leave her mother here alone? She laid down her life!) Feeling guilty, she could not build, as a result, a trusting relationship with the opposite sex. She also gives birth to a daughter (symbolically, right?) and so the third generation of women continues.
Sometimes little girls grow up and leave the Matryoshka House, get married, but they still cannot build psychologically healthy relationships with men. Their relationship is ambivalent (two extremes) or they become "daughter-wives" or "mother-wives".
Exiting these roles requires deep analysis and awareness.
- and various other reasons...
Some features of the "mother-wife" in a relationship with a man can be compared with breastfeeding.
* every time a woman is ready to invest in a man, as in a child, sacrificing something.
Most of the time, it's your life. Quality of life!
When we invest in children, children reflect this and thank us.
When we "breastfeed an adult man" - he becomes hungrier and hungrier. More and more milk is required!
* men next to such a woman are hungry! Hungry for everything: energy, resources, forces, ideas!
* men are helpless, weak, not independent - like newborns, only in an adult body.
Some of them, for example, look for work for months, while women are hunters (at 2-3 jobs) without investing in household chores.
Some "feed breakfasts" for a long period, that tomorrow there will be more money (if it works), while you feed him a real breakfast and YOURSELF (sorry, take on the commercial services, continue to cook delicious hearty meals despite what. And if you suddenly buck, you will be soldered with a sense of guilt. And these women have a lot of guilt without that).
Remember the movie "Princess on the Beans" with Zhigunov? A wonderful illustration of this family.
Do you want to find a prince?! - Become a princess! Queen!, and not a dairy mother-nanny.
* A particularly interesting point is that a woman is LOOKING for someone to feed. She needs a good consumer of her milk!
So they choose (unconsciously) exactly the type of men with whom they SHOULD BE in the role of "mother". They do not know other, equal partnership relations. Nobody told them about them or showed them ...
Did you recognize yourself?
It happens. There is an exit.
1. Understanding and keeping track of attempts to "feed" an adult man is already half the way. You are a woman, not a mother to a husband. The man already has a mother, she gave birth to him, raised him and invested something!
Therefore, if you feel that a man has sat on your neck (literally and figuratively), then think HOW he FOUND the way to your neck! Didn't you point it out to him?
2. Stop complaining about a man. Yes, he can be weak, dependent, Forever-Where-What-Forgetful and absent-minded. Yes, he is! And with you, he may not need to be different - YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM. Maybe you should look at yourself and stop?
3. Work with your fears!
LitGalla
IN Central Africa there is a tribe of pygmies aka (about 20 thousand people). While mom is hunting, dad is breastfeeding the baby. And vice versa.
Literature - from the Talmud to the classic novels - contains descriptions of men breastfeeding a child. For example, in Anna Karenina there is a short story about a child who sucked the breast of an Englishman whose wife died. And we have every reason to believe that this is possible.
In their 1896 book Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine, Dr. George Gould and Dr. Walter Pyle give several examples of men breastfeeding their children. The reported cases include the story of a sailor who put a baby to his chest to stop crying, and as a result, he began to produce milk. Or the story of the South American peasant who breastfed his child when his wife fell ill, or the story of the Chippewa man who began to breastfeed when his wife died and was able to feed the child as a result.
As early as 1896, in the catalog Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine, George Goulda and Walter Pyle cited several eyewitnessed cases of male breastfeeding. Among them was a 32-year-old father from South America, which was seen by the German naturalist Alexander von Humboldt. This dad, because of his wife's illness, acted as a nurse for five months. The catalog contains information about male missionaries. While in Brazil, they were forced to breastfeed their newborns on their own, as their wives became ill and lacked milk.
And here is a story that many probably still remember. On November 1, 2002, FrancePress published short message about 38-year-old B. Wijeratna from Sri Lanka who breastfed his two daughters while they were infancy because his wife died in her second childbirth. Wijeratne tried to feed the babies with powdered milk, but they only sobbed. Then, in desperation, the man began to put the girls to his chest. They immediately fell silent and began to suck. And soon Vijeratne had milk.
Explorer and traveler David Livingston (1813-1873) describes a similar incident in Scotland. The nursing mother died, and her husband began to put his son to his chest. To the surprise of others, dad was soon able to feed the baby himself.
For the sake of a career
In a 1995 article for Discover magazine titled "Father's Milk," Pulitzer Prize-winning physiologist Jud Diamond wrote that nipple stimulation can also lead to prolactin. Such cases were seen during World War II among prisoners of Nazi concentration camps and Japanese prisoner of war camps. And our contemporary Laura Shanley claims that a man can cause lactation even by self-hypnosis. Her civil husband David said that he would feed the child himself, and after a week his chest was swollen, and milk began to ooze from the nipples.
Males of many mammalian species have the potential for lactation (bulls, goats, dogs, wolves, lions, gibbons). Diamond points out that in our time, male lactation could benefit society. Indeed, today many nursing mothers are forced to sacrifice their careers for the sake of their families.
So similar!
Up to a certain age, boys and girls resemble each other in many ways. And only during puberty, their body changes significantly - under the influence of hormones. So, genetically, women should retain some remnants of the channels that excrete sperm, and men - those that excrete milk. They have the tissues necessary for this at a young age, but then gradually disappear. In case of need, they, it turns out, can "resurrect."
At the same time, let's not forget that thought, feeling, and a keen desire to help a native creature play a huge role in a person. And although men do not have a formed bust, they are still able to help the baby in emergency situations.
Of course, in order for a person to breastfeed, these glands must first be activated. In women, this process usually occurs during pregnancy, when the pituitary gland in the brain begins to produce large amounts of the hormone prolactin, which prepares the breasts for milk production.
All men produce small amounts of prolactin during their lifetime. For example, prolactin is released after orgasm and may be associated with feelings of satisfaction and relaxation after sex.
So dads - current and future, take note of this: what if it comes in handy someday? ..
As promised, we continue to publish thematic materials during the World Breastfeeding Week. Today we decided to look at breastfeeding from a different angle and ask about the point of view of men.
It is not uncommon for a long-awaited child to become a rival to his own father. Without noticing this, a man experiences jealousy, not only because all the attention of the woman he loves is directed to the child, but also for a reason that is not spoken about out loud - this is breastfeeding. Yes, yes, it is at the very moment when a woman begins to breastfeed her baby that her husband unconsciously becomes jealous. Many will say that it is not so with us, it is different with us, we will not argue. Let's just figure it out: how does breastfeeding affect the father of the family? Let's talk about this first with a psychologist, an expert in the field of relationships - Natalya Melekhina.
Natalia, how can the decision to breastfeed affect her husband?
Everyone knows that if a mother has milk, then it is necessary to feed the child, because he receives a large amount of nutrients from mother's milk. Do not forget that breastfeeding contributes to the formation of a child's basic trust in the world - through contact with his mother.
Absolutely every man understands this, and knows most of the points that speak in favor of feeding. In principle, there should be no resistance on the part of the husband, unless we are talking about some deviations or our own reasons due to psychological trauma in childhood.
Why might there be jealousy in this process?
An important point, we can say the reason, is the attitude of the woman herself to her man. Jealousy is rather a consequence of the designation of the position of a man by his woman. I'll try to explain a little. When your partner becomes no longer a “husband” and “beloved”, but a “daddy” and identification with a woman occurs as with a relative, then, excuse me, is sex with relatives possible?
There is another side of the coin. A woman, becoming a mother, is completely immersed in the child. And if the husband overlooked: for example, the child fell, hit, - she rushes at him like a fury, and after all, the psychology of a man is such that men keep the boy in themselves, and at this moment they transfer the situation to the fact that they no longer love him, putting the question in my head: because of whom? Also, the refusal of intimacy in the evening, due to the fact that “I am very tired today, the child exhausted me,” immediately forms a firm belief in the mind of the husband that the child is to blame. Not in the sense that this is his direct fault, but an unconscious reason for a man why he was “not loved”, something was “not given”. And as a result - a feeling of jealousy for the child, that he has round-the-clock access to the body that belonged to him as a husband.
What controls a man: a memory from childhood about his mother or a sense of possessiveness towards his wife?
There can be several reasons for the appearance of jealousy and they are all different. One of them is the internal attitudes of a man, formed, as I said above, as a result of psychological trauma received in childhood and associated with a certain interaction with the mother. Maybe with a peeped sexual intercourse between parents, when dad touched mom's breasts and, most often, these injuries are not recognized and repressed, but are “activated” in a similar situation when his woman becomes a mother.
These facts have deep consequences, if we now go into them, then this will be a conversation about a wounded inner child, and this is already the exception rather than the rule.
Although, the perception may be different: the whole woman is his territory and her body also belongs to him, therefore jealousy may arise, but in these cases it is not pronounced, because the man understands that the child is also his territory and it is absurd to compete with him.
Most men do not talk about it, but what actions can determine the tension?
Rarely does a man clearly understand that he is jealous of his wife's breasts for a child. It is very difficult to understand one's unconscious on one's own, which is why it is called "unconscious". It is difficult for a man to understand all these processes and he finds for himself an understandable reason or a way to respond. Here are a few of them:
- This may be a reaction to the breastfeeding of the child, which "belongs" to him, in the sense of the breast, but there may be a transfer to other areas of the relationship, not only related to breast jealousy.
- There is also a reaction to women's excessive, in his opinion, care and guardianship, to the fact that, in his opinion, she pays a lot of attention to the child.
- Irritability at the word "feeding" or the husband's urgent need for help, attention at the very moment when the woman is determined to feed the child.
- Worrying too much about keeping your breasts in shape after feeding, and talking about whether it's time to wean your baby.
I really want to warn moms that the above signs may not necessarily indicate jealousy. After all, this may be caused by your husband's concern for you.
Is male jealousy about breastfeeding the rule or the exception?
I can say with confidence that this is not the rule, otherwise thousands of articles would have been written about it, hundreds of books have been published and dozens of programs have been filmed. This is not yet the case, and the topic remains quite young, although relevant. Most likely, there is a separate reaction of a man to the fact that he is being taken away from attention or “encroached” on his territory, and it is manifested in this way, because the chest is exactly the common thing that both the child and the husband have access to.
By the way, some men are not entirely pleased to kiss breasts that are filled with milk, this is their internal resistance, it may be associated with disgust, fear or other prejudices. My recommendation - do not insist and do not be offended, this period will pass.
So what can a woman do to save her marriage and relationships while breastfeeding?
Unfortunately, little is said about this, how a woman should behave with her husband when a baby appears in the family, but there is little secret- it is important to maintain the status of a man. This does not mean that every second pleasing to her husband is necessary. I would even like to give recommendations point by point, as instructions, if you will. So:
1. Do not call your husband "daddy", do not give your husband the feeling that you are his daughter, and he is your father. Phrases like: “Did daddy eat?”, “Daddy tired?”, “Did daddy miss you?” take it out of your vocabulary. You are not his child, and he is not your father, and with children, apart from parental love, there simply cannot be any other love.
2. Do not call yourself "mommy" when referring to your husband, something like: "Mommy is tired", "Mommy wants to eat." Your husband, going to bed with you, must be aware that this is his woman, whom he desires, and she is always sexually desirable for him. Do they sleep with mom? When I say sleep, I consider sexual relationships, caresses, embraces not of a parent, but of a husband and wife, tenderness between you, kisses of people who love each other.
3. Do not say: "We were waiting for you ... We missed you ... You offended us ... You do not love us," etc. You are separate, the child is separate. You merge yourself with the child. A husband, going to bed with you, feels like he is going to bed with a child. At this moment, sexual relations with you or just male tenderness are unacceptable for him according to all canons. I want to repeat, this happens only at an unconscious level. It is not analyzed by a man, because it is not clear to him, but in fact he has a feeling of lack of attention, tenderness and your former love.
Women who have already become mothers know how hard it is sometimes physically, and how tired you get during the day, and you want your husband’s attention and help, but he doesn’t give it or runs away from home in vain. It doesn’t matter where: to friends, to work, to parents supposedly to help, and the woman begins to demand, insist, be offended, while the man resists even more.
What to do?
Everyone knows that a woman has a maternal gene, but a man does not. The woman herself forms it, learning how to relate to the child: through the praise “you are a wonderful father”, the baby likes to play with you so much; through requests for help “I can’t do it without you, I really need your help”; through trusting him, trust your man to carry the baby in his arms, allow him to bathe him, walk with him, do not stand next to the look of distrust that he does not change diapers that way, it is better to praise him how skillfully he copes with swaddling. And the man will want to match your praise and feel his involvement in the child, there will be no more talk or hints about jealousy. And in intimate relationships, give a man a play on words, flirt with him, turn on your fantasy, and he will have the feeling that he is still very much loved and desired. And more importantly - talk! Talk to your husband all the time, the dialogue allows you not to be offended, do not hush up what worries you, and talk about it, but not in the form of claims, but in the form of communication, and then your man will have no reason for jealousy at all.
By the way, all this does not mean that you no longer call him dad or he calls you mom, but only in fact. When a child turns to you and asks where is daddy, then you say exactly where daddy is, not my husband. Remember, he is a dad only for your child, but not for you, for you he is always a beloved, strong, dear man.
Why do mothers now stop breastfeeding their child so early?
Women just don't know how to do it! IN modern society the female art of breastfeeding and the culture of motherhood have been lost. Perhaps if women gave birth throughout their childbearing life, this would not happen: for example, when the eldest daughter grows up, she will be able to watch her mother feed the baby; the youngest will gain experience from older sisters or daughters-in-law. Unfortunately, very often a self-doubting woman, who actually did well, begins to listen to incompetent advice and repeats other people's mistakes.
It is advisable to find a good breastfeeding adviser who has himself had a successful experience. Practical training is a necessary technique, the transfer of personal, successful experience from one mother to another is the basis and guarantee of successful breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is a true gift of nature to man. This gift brings health to the child and preserves the health of the woman. Breast milk is the ideal food for a baby in its first year of life. It is optimal in its composition. Better than any other product based on cow's or goat's milk, it is suitable for feeding a baby. Proteins, fats, minerals and vitamins are absorbed best when breastfed. The basis of breast milk is made up of special whey proteins. They have a high biological value, are easily digested and absorbed. They contain all the essential amino acids, in particular, cystine and taurine, necessary for the full development of the baby. It is especially important that the own proteins of breast milk do not cause allergic reactions and manifestations in the child, which we often see when using artificial mixtures based on cow's milk.
Have you experienced jealousy while your wife was breastfeeding your newborn baby?
At the sight of a woman breastfeeding a child, a man usually experiences deep satisfaction. Dr. Hugh Smith, the original 18th century Doctor Spock, advised women to breastfeed their children (rather than hire a wet nurse). He wrote: “I can say with full confidence that charming peasant women who breastfeed their children seem very attractive to men. I'm speaking from a man's point of view. A man experiences deep satisfaction when he sees how the woman he loves holds and feeds his offspring. In a generous mind, such a spectacle awakens thousands of diverse and very warm feelings.
And one of the joys of breastfeeding for a woman is the radiant look of her husband when he first sees a child attached to the mother's breast.
After a conversation with psychologist Natalya Melekhina and gynecologist Marcel Bezhan, I became interested in the opinion of men, and this is what they answered the question: “Did you experience jealousy at the moment when your wife was breastfeeding your newborn child?”
Andrey Mardar - photographer:
“When a wife was breastfeeding, it did not cause me any jealousy, and even the process itself gave sexuality to the wife.”
Alexander Cheban - lawyer:
“I have a positive attitude towards the process of breastfeeding, I did not feel any jealousy. After all, this is my child’s diet, which means his health and immunity.”
Ivan Akulov - singer, composer:
“What kind of jealousy can we talk about? A child is a part of me and my wife, breastfeeding is a magical moment that I shared with my wife for 2 years. Sometimes I had to, let's say, help myself with the stagnation of the canals, so that my wife would not have mastitis.
If you dream of a bare-chested man, this indicates that you need another sexual partner.
If your chest is hairy, in reality you will have to prove your innocence in a case to which you are indirectly related.
Bare chest speaks of your indifferent attitude towards one of your colleagues, you must carefully protect your reputation and not give reason to suspect you of this.
Seeing a chest with a gaping wound in a dream portends that some kind of trouble threatens you.
Seeing your chest - in reality you will be disappointed in love because of the many rivals.
If the chest is white and full, luck and happiness will soon visit you.
Firm female breasts - to disadvantage, shrunken and wrinkled - a sign of marital fidelity.
Seeing in a dream a woman whose one of her breasts is cut off - to treason; without breasts at all - to quarrels with her husband.
Exposing your chest in a dream in front of a man portends a concession to persistent courtship. If in a dream a man caresses your chest - in reality, commit an immoral act.
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